I follow the GPS cues
exactly (leaving home
early, just in case).
I’ve enrolled in an evening workshop: “Reflections and Intentions.” En route, I’m haunted by a Jan Richardson poem.
Travel the most ancient way of all, Richardson writes.
. . .
No map
but the one
you make yourself.
“Your destination,”
my GPS voice intones
(digitally confident and
almost smug),
“is on your left.”
Actually, no. It is not there.
Nor is it kitty-corner, adjacent, or around the back.
I cruise nearby alleys. Now what?
Welcome detours as doors deeper in.
Well, the most promising building in the vicinity contains numerous offices.
Once inside the building, I wander down halls seeking the combined classroom, Suites 101 and 102.
And there they are: on the other side of a windowed door with a keypad lock.
You have looked
at so many doors
with longing,
wondering if your life
lay on the other side.
How easily the door swings open.
Six doors flank the new hallway. I head for Suites 101-102. Then, an ominous click as the door I just came through, now one way only, automatically locks behind me.
I turn the handles of Suite 101, then 102—then give them each a hard shake. Locked. So, right room numbers, wrong building. Unless class is cancelled?
Even the outside Exit is locked.
Help, I’m trapped in a Metaphor for Life.
Wait, one door’s slightly ajar. A restroom.
Oh, please. Would YOU feel like resting?
A person can leave home in good faith.
You’ve done this, haven’t you?
You allow ample travel time,
follow directions, and end up . . . stranded.
And there you are, praying. I recently learned the most ancient prayer of all.
Richard Rohr reminded me that the Hebrew consonants used to spell God’s name—so sacred it is never to be spoken aloud—are visually rendered “YHWH.”
When correctly pronounced, Rohr adds, these consonants do not require movement of the tongue and lips. The gentle sounds replicate breath: (YH) inhalation, then (WH) exhalation. Each breath, lightly sketched. A different, deeper kind of direction.
“The first name you spoke, upon birth, was God’s name,” Rohr declares.
“The last breath you take will be the name of God. It’s the one thing you’ve done constantly.” (See video clip, below)
Friends, this is the most calming prayer I know. And every in-between, stuck place seems an ideal setting for it.
For today, choose the door
that opens to the inside.
Not too long afterward, a barista engaged in after-hours clean-up discovers me. She ushers me through the closed coffee shop. She Googles a map on her phone, then kindly points me in the right direction, not far after all.
Once again, the way forward proves unexpected. And, ultimately, timely.
What calms and re-centers you when you’re surrounded by closed doors?
Friends, last week I shared the YHWH prayer with our daughter, Kristin, who was hospitalized for acute, undiagnosed pain. I’ll be praying it again this coming week, Monday, January 20th, as she undergoes yet another surgery.
We’d be grateful for your prayers.
Let me know how I can pray for you?
“The Map You Make Yourself,” Jan Richardson, Circle of Grace
Listen to Richard Rohr here: “Becoming Stillness” (begin at 45:52 on videotape)
Photo: Mark Cruz on Unsplash
Oh, Laurie, I’m week(s) late to read this and found myself inhaling and exhaling along with you all the same.
I can relate to this lost-ness. It is so, literally, disorienting!
Kristen will be in my prayers, indeed.
Actually, your timing is perfect. As ever. I’m inhaling and exhaling along with you this evening. The surgery went well, but recovery’s tough. I’ve been blessed to be able to care for her and the grandkids over the past week. I am sensing my limits, though, and feel so grateful tonight for your timely prayers. Thank you, friend.
YHWH DOES make a perfect breath prayer! Thank you for sharing Richard Rohr’s wisdom with us. Just yesterday afternoon I got myself lost out in the boonies (SIRI was NO help because I didn’t want to drive on the dreaded I-75) AND I realized the gas indicator was close to Empty. Oh–and if I didn’t find my way soon, I would be late for a dentist appointment. My breath prayer was “Lord have mercy! Help me!” After a long stretch of nothing but trees and scrub, a gas station materialized. A man came out and actually pumped gas for me, while giving me directions for getting back on track. I think he was an angel in overalls! / I too lift up Kristen that angels of mercy will minister healing and good will to her as well. P.S. For some reason I’m no longer receiving email notification when you post. I tried to sign up again, but “it” told me I was already receiving. Strange!
Dear Nancy, so good to hear from you. Your angel in overalls story delights me. Thank you so much for your prayers for Kristin. I appreciate them, and YOU, so very much.
I’ll see if I can discover anything about the email notification snafu. So sorry for the inconvenience!
Not to worry–your to-do list is long enough!
I’m so sorry Laurie and pray for complete healing for Kristin and angelic help on all sides. May you feel carried.
Dear Jenneth, thank you for these 3 tender—yet muscular—prayers. Her first night home went remarkably well. We feel carried by the generous faith of many, like you, speaking in hope, assuaging fear. So grateful.
Oh, Laurie, those “sketchy directions” always make us sigh for greater clarity, don’t they? A road map for life might sound so tempting yet it’s amazing what we learn from negotiating the unexpected hazards and delays. Being lost or stuck is rarely appealing to us but you have succeeded in turning one of life’s calamities into an amusing and thoughtful anecdote, complete with guidance for your readers to try the beautiful YHWH breath prayer during our own times of feeling fraught, peevish or panicky. Your dear daughter is in my thoughts and prayers. May you both be kept calm and at peace as the treatment plan unfolds. May she also recover well and receive healing that lasts. Blessings to you all. xo
Dear Joy, it’s lovely to hear from you, thank you. And thank you for those powerful prayers. I am o grateful for you. Recovery from the prior surgeries was very difficult, so prayers for calm and peace and lasting healing covers all. Thank you, friend.
I hope the new year is unfolding in life-giving ways before you, each lovingly given day.
Oh my, I almost felt worried for you, Laurie, though since you were writing about your experience, I knew you must have made it out of the restroom! I love the YHWH breath prayer and the constant reminder of our lives as prayer. I offer a prayer now for your daughter as she waits for surgery, as you wait with her for the way forward. May God’s healing and hope be your comfort and stay. Amen.
April, yes, I am safely (sheepishly) rescued, although I’ll be more circumspect from now on about strange buildings with keypad locks, especially at night.
Thank you for your beautiful prayer for Kristin, I love the word “forward”(“waiting,” not so much). I know we are learning patience and trust. Although her past surgeries have resulted in difficult, and only partial recoveries, I feel renewed hope for the one ahead as I read your prayer tonight. Thank you.
Praying for Kristin, here in Canada.
Thank you for this post.
Rick, I’m grateful for your note and your prayers. It makes me catch my breath as I imagine petitions rising for Kristin from so many people, so many locales. Thank you!
My daily time with the Lord almost always includes my singing I Love You Lord. Well, not almost always, but often. Today and going forward, I’m including the lifting of Kristen.
What I pray for mine in these types of situations…
The Right people, in the Right place, at the Right time, to make Right decisions for Kristen.
So grateful, Rick. I am praying your wise words even as I type. Thank you.
Once again, dear Laurie, you made me laugh out loud (“Help! I’m trapped in a metaphor of life.”), and then your anxiety in the locked hallway became my own, and then the inhales and exhales at the beginning, during and end of life in pronouncing the name of God filled me with recognition, and then your call for prayer and offer to prayer, riveted my attention. Yes! I am and will be praying for your dear daughter! And do I have a prayer request? Yes. In the thick of my hubby’s woodshop move, we still have systems to finish setting up before a machine can be run, which means income is on hold. My prayer is that there will be no more delays in getting everything set up, and that he/we can deliver on all the promises to clients in God’s supernatural timing. We are SO grateful He is with us every day to fill us with his peace that passes understanding. What a gift to have friends praying for us and our business. Thank you! I will ask him to join me in praying for you and your family. Thanks for sharing your beautiful writing once again, spinning the challenges of life into pure gold.
First, thank you, Pacia, for describing your chain of reactions. Wow, it feels amazing to witness a reader’s empathy trail.
Thank you so much for keeping our girl in your prayers. Mind if I pray for you two here, first?
Lord, be the wise and canny foreman masterminding all systems needed, keeping this new company on track with every promise and contract, and all the ensuing final details. I ask you to shoulder the weight of their schedule and any pressing needs for repairs as well as timely deliveries. Please oversee equipment warranties as well. And insurance. Open a heavenly windfall window, for the sake of your Name and the shared vision and heart and artistry you’ve entrusted to to C and P. Amen!
Thank you for the YHWH prayer! I’m praying for a successful surgery and the end of Kristin’s pain.
You are so welcome! Happy to pass it along. And for your prayers and vision of my daughter healthy and free of pain, I thank you with all my heart.
Prayers for Kristin and all open doors .
Larry, my dear friend, thank you. What a fitting, wonderfully visual, life-giving prayer!
Oh my goodness, I think this might be the most valuable bit of information I will learn this year: the YHWH prayer breath. Thank you!
I wish so much life was free of all the challenges, both the easily-recovered-from ones, and the more heart wrenching ones. Prayers being lifted right now for you and your daughter.
Carol, I know what you mean. Isn’t it a marvel? Little reminders come to me often, day and night, and I’m finding it effortless and so rewarding to engage in it, whether fleetingly or for longer periods.
I appreciate your prayers for us so much, thank you, Carol. If heaven has bleachers, I want to sit next to you for a decade or so and hear your stories and share hot chocolate and cheer on whatever is unfolding around us there . . .
Story-sharing on heaven’s bleachers? Surely, that heavenly gift awaits us.
And I won’t be scared of climbing to the topmost tier if you want (a lifelong dread). Nope. Nary a worry over accidentally falling through one of the gaps, What a thought!
Oh the awfulness of being locked INSIDE, and the wonderful rescue by a kind stranger. I’m glad you already knew a breathing prayer to help you stay calm.
Praying for Kristin, that surgery rescues her from the physical pain she’s been living with.
Awful, then (briefly) funny, but mostly, awful. That young woman appeared the way I imagine an angel in an apron showing up. With keys. And a phone. Energy, resourcefulness, and kindly patience.
Thank you for your love for Kristin and your support in prayer. It means so much to us.
So true! Lost & stranded is so often “not far after all” from where I want to be. The prayer is a tangible way to be present with Him who is always there, not far after all.
Closed doors. I never know it that means I should be curiously looking for something else or if I should sit down and wait to be found.
Prayers for your sweet girl!
Susan, thank you for lifting that phrase out, then letting it quietly glow. On my screen, in my heart. You show me the relative distance factor in a fresher light.
And I think both ideas about closed doors are sound, but knowing which M.O. to employ (embody?), at which time . . . there’s the riddle. And likely, gift.
Love that you’re praying with us!
Wow! This resonates with me… determined not to be late or lose my way to o meet a friend…I leave too late, do not pay attention to the directions my husband pulls up on Google Earth and hurry. So
sure of myself, I assume I know where to go. Praying all the way and promising to leave on time for the next occasion I am confident that God will
help me get there in record time. Turn in the wrong direction because I knew the way…find myself hopelessly lost – make a very heartfelt apology and my friend directs me. I am 30 minutes late and was only 5 minutes away . Lesson learned. I hope – use the GPS and trust it – leave early as husband encouraged me to do. I needed the YHWH prayer!
Ruth, hello! And Happy New Year to you.
Oh, the stories we could share about trying to shoehorn in one more task before leaving the house, then getting befuddled, disoriented, lost as well as winding up LATE (and peevish, in my case) . . . YES, in 2020, let’s practice this prayer as part of our preparation!
Prayers for you and your daughter.
Patti, thank you so much. I am really grateful to have extra faith and caring concern on board.