Grit? Hardly. I awake, dismayed. Another day cranks into gear with exercises from my physical therapist, designed to get this body up and running. Dogged compliance? Vital. I agreed, months ago, to his regimen: healing rigor.
If I want to jog again — and I do — I gotta.
Today? Don’t wanna.
Last January a common runner’s injury waylaid me — a stress fracture, undiagnosed for three months, exacerbated by new bone spurs and acute arthritis.
“Don’t fall,” my doctor said, after reviewing my latest bone scan.
“Wear this boot,” the specialist said, after reviewing my MRI.
Oh, these bodies, part stardust, part grit, mostly water: vibrant one moment, frail the next.
Once the bone re-knit, I worked hard to regain strength, endurance, and range of motion.
Then . . . a sprain. More time out. More P.T.
As of now, my ongoing nemesis? The one-legged bridge:
- Lie on back
- Bend one knee
- Raise body 15 times (twice daily)
Ooof. Floor joists creak beneath me, their weakening structure only perceived when called upon to bear weight. Kinda like me.
Resolutely, I muscle up — 1, 2, 3 — pant — 9, 10 — then muster that last vertical heave . . . 15!
Progress?
Zip. It doesn’t get easier. How can this be? I’ve been so faithful!
My favorite C. S. Lewis poem — with a bridge in it — comes to mind: “As the Ruin Falls.”
Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek . . .
Oh yeah. This girl wants what she wants.
Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile . . .
I feel the nudge. Exiled from running late in life, this ole heart feels aerobic as well as emotional loss.
. . . And now the bridge is breaking.
Lewis is writing about his conversion. Human grit, intellect, and resolve proving insufficient, his broken heart gives way to God.
A secondary, physical application startles me as I consider Paul’s charge to believers: “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.”
Work. Out.
God sure has a sense of humor.
The name Jehovah-Jireh, “The Lord will provide,” appears in my reading for the day. I picture a mighty hand upholding me — despite my dubious one-legged bridge . . .
For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.
Amen.
Friends, what helps you say yes to routine demands—those things you dodge despite know they’re good for you?
https://allpoetry.com/As-the-Ruin-Falls
Hear Phil Keaggy’s musical setting and performance of “As the Ruin Falls” here.
Photo by Aleksandr Barsukov on Unsplash
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Laurie, you are one amazing woman. I can just imagine how wearing it is emotionally and spiritually to contend with one major physical issue after another. It’s a miracle you can even write one word. But here you are, encouraging with glorious creativity. Your post sure encourages me.
I’d have to allocate more time to considering what really helps me persevere and say “yes” when I just want to quit, or at least procrastinate. Procrastination wins too many battles, but the truth that His Mercies Are New Every Day enters my thoughts frequently. That is Jehovah Jireh speaking His provision of mindset for the moment. He blows the perfect breeze into my “don’t want to, want to” tug-of-wars to lift me into the glory-building” necessaries”.
Dear Carol, a huge thank you for encouraging me! Your words are so timely. (Several wrenching side winds this past week . . . )
I’m so glad you reminded me of those “new mercies,” daily. I couldn’t be more grateful today for reading “That is Jehovah Jireh speaking His provision of mindset for the moment.”
Hope your New Year is buoyant with grace in the “necessaries”!
Sadly, seems we are done. Love always.
Sorry for the delay in responding, friend. I’ve had several days of computer trouble with accessing the internet.
Love being for always, perhaps what feels done is but a season, open to change . . .
What a wonderful image to illustrate God upholding you, even as you count down your bridges! Such an insightful analogy to keep in mind. My regimen includes those bridges also, Laurie. I had back surgery in 1996 and to this day continue my back exercises (along with many others). Most every morning, after my quiet time you’ll find me down in the basement, listening to a podcast, and working through my routine–different exercises each day on a rotation basis for variety. It takes about a half-hour. It is NO fun, but I do it because I like the results: pain management, increased energy and mobility, strength (to keep up with the grandkids!), and of course, weight control. I’ll think of you while counting through MY bridges!
Nancy, wow, what faithfulness! I am bowing in your direction. You are my role model. For you to have sustained a vigorous regimen for so many years is really inspiring to hear about.
And what a good idea to add a podcast. I hadn’t thought of that.
I will now be thinking of that as well as of YOU while doing my bridges! Thanks, friend. : )
Timely.
Thank you.
Said to Cathy just last night, “I need to be moving more.”
You challenge me.
I needed that poem reminder today.
Sir Phil – Always “in tune.”
Healing.
It’s life.
“Man is broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue.”
~Eugene O’Neill
Grace, sister.
Grace and Peace.
To all of you, and yours.
Rick, you are such good company in this enterprise. May I propose a morning-coffee toast? Here’s to moving! And in addition (as Lewis so memorably put it), wholly continuing “further up and further in.”
Thank you for that O’Neill quote. That’s a keeper. I’m writing it on a post-it to keep at hand. You are a gift to me, friend.
May the generous glue of his grace continue to mend you and yours in this new year.
I needed today the Lewis quote from Last Battle as well.
Your Keaggy/Lewis mentioned also took me to a prefered recording, one I visit often, his instrumental, Beyond Nature.
His tribute to Clive that musically takes the listener through Lewis’s Oxford.
The song County Down still causes my soul to pause after all these years.
I am sympathetic to your pain and mobility issues. I have a few myself. The VA is setting me up to be evaluated for pain management. I have lower back pain despite spinal fusion, leg pain despite 2 total knee replacements, gout, diabetic neuropathy in both hands and both feet, psoriatic arthritis, and osteoarthritis. The VA says I am 100% disabled. Yet overall I’m a happy guy. First, I’m 74 and still alive. Second, I have very little pain when I sit down or lay down so I can get a break from the pain. Thirdly, I am able to get about and do what needs to be done although it hurts some. At my local Walmart I see many people who have mobility issues much worse than my own and I am grateful.
Dear Smokey, your challenges fully engage my empathy this morning—even as your irrepressible gratitude and good cheer inspire me. May the VA people who see create a practical, doable plan that alleviates pain!
Your good spirits despite so many health issues is a beautiful thing, friend. And it puts my complaints in perspective, for which I am grateful. Thank you so much for writing!
And Happy New Year to you!
Oh dear Laurie! You’ve been through the mill and dangling on the bridge by one good foot. I’m sooooo sorry!!! Pain is awful and colors EVERYTING you do. You have had your fair share, and more, and yes, PT can surely help, but that hurts, too. So often, in the vast scheme of things (for reasons I shall never understand in this life), God often uses pain to bring healing. I had botched foot surgery years ago, and never thought I’d walk w/o excruciating pain again. God used an equally excruciating form of PT (in the privacy and agony of my home, using a really bizarre metal, spring-loaded device, issued by a PT who never came again once I’d been fitted for it), but God used that, little by little, to break up tons of tenacious scar tissue –who ever knew how well scar tissue works or how agonizing it would be to break apart?! — to finally give me freedom and mobility wo walk sans pain. It was a year-long (nearly) wrenching process. As Bible teacher Kay Arthur has wisely said, “Hangeth thou in there, o baby!” God will get you across that bridge to better walking.
That is my prayer as well, now that once again I can’t walk well yet again. Mercifully I’m not in pain, but profoundly imbalanced from vertigo, and I’ll need to get back into PT. Everybody decided to have a Holiday, after all, and now they are playing catch up. I’d give anything to walk well again. I know you would too! May I recommend, while you’re recovering, Mark Buchanan’s God Walk: Moving at the Speed of Your Soul? It’s wonderful, and sorry I don’t have time to review it for you here, but I think you’d find it meaningful (and at times, lyrical :)).
So here’s a bridge for you! We crossed this (w/ total trepidation!!) in 1981. The thing swayed, and if you dared look down, you could see the deep gorge between every separated slat. It was terrifying, but we wanted to get to that castle perched as it were, aloft. Keep looking up, and I’ll try to, too! The view from the top is spectacular!
Happy New Year of adroit ambulation.
xo
Lynn
And don’t forget to adulate as you ambulate… to praise while you PT!
Dear Lynn,
Love that Kay Arthur quote. It made me laugh out loud.
Thank you for your empathy and encouragement! And the book you recommended sounds wonderful, too.
Your hard-won triumph is an inspiration to keep on keeping on. So grateful for your example. What a hellish year of PT you endured, to walk again without pain.
And kudos for crossing that gorge to reach the castle. “Looking up” takes on new meaning when picturing that scary bridge, the struggle, and then . . . the glorious view!
“Praise while you PT” is a great refocusing tool (and snappy enough for me to remember), thank you!
Cheering you on ! ❤️Deborah Duke… now!!! Deborah Hesler🕊👑👏sweetest memories of our YWAM Montana days ❤️
Dear Deby, thank you thank you! And Happy New Year to you and your loved ones!
Oh, Laurie….I had no idea. What a challenge! Baby steps, huh?
I liked the Lewis poem (I’ve recently found his “Poems” book and the one you mentioned is in that volume. Wow, what a collection.)
What helps me say yes to routine demands? Figuring out a way to make something fun. If I can listen to music or a podcast while on kitchen tasks, it really helps!
Hi Jody, your first sentence to me straight to “What about Bob?” which gave me a laugh.
Delighted you’re enjoying the Lewis poems. You may already know this, but if not . . . Phil Keaggy composed and performed a marvelous rendition of the entire poem. Here’s a link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCQODYCrz-U
(longish wait through intrusive ads, tho)
Love your advice to make it fun. I hadn’t thought of turning on music. Will try it . . . Thank you!
I tell myself it is more important to keep doing the regimen than to quit out of frustration that I can neither do it perfectly or see a perfect outcome. I make it about my willingness to go one more round. To try. If God wants an outcome…if I want one… I don’t hesitate to ask. But I make it my job is to keep on keeping on. I am ever astounded when God seems to not be after perfection or that end result I so desire, but my willingness. The fellowship of that.
((yes to God not being after our perfection but our willingness. Our surrender?))
Susan, your words reframe the undertaking so powerfully.
Making willingness our business. Fellowship, the unearned, freely given reward. Thank you for yet again for speaking into that trap of perfection that so often snares my soul.
Here’s to one more round . . . : > )
“Oh, these bodies, part stardust, part grit, mostly water: vibrant one minute, frail the next.”
I’m just home after Mohs surgery to remove a small squamous cell carcinoma on my neck; I need to schedule a colonoscopy after being told by the gastroenterologist in December of 2021 to come back in a year; I’m overdue for a physical and lab work by at least two years.
You know that saying: “Aging isn’t for sissies.”
How true it is.
Praying you will find the grit or barring that, the grace to accept the limitation.
So sorry for your distress, Katie. ugh. No, aging isn’t for sissies. A dear friend wrote a humor book series called “Getting Old Ain’t for Wimps,” and it ain’t! Though, admittedly, I prefer to think of it as vintaging, as in fine wine.
Lynn
Oh Katie, yikes, what an ordeal. Glad to hear you are home again.
And now, more tests to catch up on. May peace accompany you through each one and bring you safely through them all!
Thank you so much for that prayer, encompassing both possibilities. I’m so grateful!
A happy, healthy, wholesome New Year to you and yours!