Blog - Laurie Klein, Scribe

Second Thoughts & Horseshoe Crabs

There’s a trick to the “graceful exit.”It begins with the vision to recognize
when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over—
and let it go.

It means leaving what’s over
without denying its validity
or its past importance to our lives.

Including one’s home.

Still downsizing …

If only I had the que sera sera serenity of the horseshoe crab—which literally saunters out of its own skin. Leaves home behind.

How the cuts are made

For years, inside the dark
recording booth, alone,
in the electric halo
of an adjustable lamp,
I narrated audiobooks.

Now I survey my archive—towers of babble—60-some books recorded on tape. Cassette tapes, in our digitized age, seem irrelevant.

When the studio switched to CDs, many audiobooks were not updated.

I may own the sole remaining copies.

I didn’t always like the stories, but I gave them my all—honest, empathic, vestigial work, as in: “forming a very small remnant of something once greater.”

Words arise, like posterity. Legacy.

I set aside a dozen classics for our grandkids.

Second thoughts

Might Goodwill welcome the rest?

I pack 50-some titles, deliver them before I can change my mind. Employees may toss them, but I won’t be a witness.

More remain. I visit our hulking, rented dumpster, imagine chucking them.

Second thoughts clamor. I’ll decide tomorrow.

Dreamer, on the other hand …

For decades, Dreamer shot slide film. Last week he tossed unused slide carousels. Second thoughts prompted retrieval. Currently curating thousands of slides, he’ll convert them to digital files.

He’s retrofitting: “bringing a proven model up to date.”

Second thoughts allow fresh discernment.

I scan my waiting titles. I could do likewise …

Needless?

Needless can mean obsolete. Redundant. Superfluous.

Seems I never quite believed my achievements would vanish.

Yet into each absence, the One who loves us best still speaks.

And I love a good story …

… especially one from an ever-relevant Book, narrating tales of a remnant people …

and other wonders, like horseshoe crabs and second thoughts and traveling light.

The One who invites me to be need-less delights to meet my needs.

Those remaining tapes?

I feed the dumpster. Offer up ego. Yet again. There are endless ways to voice “Once upon a time.”

[For now, making the graceful exit] …
involves a sense of future,
a belief that every exit line
is an entry, that we are
moving up, rather than out.

―Ellen Goodman

How has a grace-full exit moved you toward an uncommon entrance?

For prayer: Dreamer sees the neurologist next week.

Thanks for sharing this cyber-sojourn.

Depth Perception

by Laurie Klein 40 Chiming In

Depth Perception

“Yell,” Dreamer says,
“when the trailer hitch is exactly
6 inches from the rear wall.”

Six inches?
That’s the length of my hand.

I plaster myself
into the far left corner
of the RV storage unit,
40 feet from the door.
Side margins equal
the space between my elbow
and first set of knuckles.
Which are white.

“What if you can’t hear me?” I holler.

But he’s already revving
our 32-foot Behemoth
up the incline, into the unit.

Half-way in, he brakes,
folds his side mirror flat.

“Driving blind,” he calls.

Success now rests
on his hearing plus
my depth perception.

And I’m nearsighted.

Somehow, by trusting each other, we pull it off.

Backing Up

Even as I daily resolve to move forward, embrace Change, backing up plays a role—especially as we try to downsize 45 years of shared life. Nearly 3 decades in our current house.

Have you read The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, by Margareta Magnusson, aged somewhere between 80 and 100?

Granny-mags, as we fondly call her, urges streamlining. We respect our heirs’ emotions and precious time by downsizing while we’re still able-bodied.

“Death cleaning
is a permanent form
of organization . . .”

Death can be a friendly presence, directing priorities.

Go back. Item by item.
Remember and reflect on
the small joys of a long life.

Tucked within books and yellowing files I find childhood stories our daughters wrote. I find grade school stories by yours truly, saved by my mother.

Depth perception turns fluid—Mom’s behind me now, somehow alive, guiding me as I dismantle home.

Just as Mom might say,
Granny-mags offers this:
“There is always a young person,
starting a new life.”

Growing a home.

So donate. Leave notes in those books you’re giving away.

Bless someone with that desk or table, and share vital or funny things learned or written or served there.

Downsizing

One snippet of history, passed on, provides the needed distance to let go. My vision widens and deepens, the way having two eyes makes depth perception possible.

What is depth perception?

The ability to judge the distance of objects
and the spatial relationship of objects
at different distances.

I’m freeing myself from tunnel vision:
the fear-driven caching of stuff—things
I’ll never miss. Junk.

By day, we downsize.
By night, online, room by room,
we study house after house.
We divvy the list, mostly still feel
we are driving blind
yet joyriding, this time
in a ’78 ragtop Super Beetle,
a fresh wind stirring memories,
thoughts, fears—
all this chaff blowing out the back . . .

Health update: Med-wise, Dreamer’s cardiologist says to “Stay the course.” He sees the hematologist today, October 4th.
We await the referral to a Muscular Dystrophy specialist.

Photo of eye by Daniil Kuželev on Unsplash

Saving Time: 2-minute Warning

by Laurie Klein 49 Chiming In

Saving Time? Yes, let’s.
But first …
my 50th High School Reunion:

Saving Time Cake — photo by Vicki Rieder

Only after flying to Wisconsin
did I realize
my former adolescent peers
were, and ever would be,
the keepers of my awkwardness.

They might bring up Rod McCool’s bash
where, handed my first beer
(no clue about pouring slowly or
tilting both can AND glass)
I baptized myself and
his absent parents’ white couch.

My boyfriend’s chagrin.
Rod McCool’s “!!&%#!!%#!”
Foam and lager and reek … O my!

At our most awkward,
we tell ourselves
we’ll never be cool enough.

Half a century later, I was
that clueless girl again, stalling,
afraid to brave the reunion.

During the first 2 minutes
no one mentioned my beer gaffe
(or numerous other follies).
Within those 2 minutes
and thereafter, I was hugged.
Kissed. Thoroughly welcomed.

I felt like Cinderella
twirling at The Ball.

O to be recognized,
touched at our wincing core,
that guarded, wistful corner
of the heart seemingly
doomed to always feel 16.

2 minutes
and my old outsider status
vaporized. I’d entered
a saving time. A healing time.

Which brings me here, now:

Scheduled to vanish,
2 minutes of daylight will
daily disappear,
until we turn back
our clocks, on November 4th,
and we are awarded 1 free hour
for a little more rest,
a little more dreaming …

Do you need rest?

Or a new dream?

We do.

My husband’s health is spiraling down.
Partly, it’s the genetic hand dealt him,
likely exacerbated
by the aftershocks and insults
anesthesia sometimes visits
upon the psyche and body.

We’ll see a UW Medical Center expert on Muscular Dystrophy
and 3 local specialists in other fields.

And we’ll move. Downsizing is here. For real.

One-story living,
one living story
unfolding …

I’ll share more in future posts.

Meanwhile, we’re turning back the marital clock,
recalling our madcap youth,
Dreamer and me in the Rambler,
cruising into a new town, setting up house.

We’re priming our souls for adventure,

**an invitation to the as-yet undreamed …**

ps At the reunion, my friend Wendie gave me this:

Daylight Saving Time: more here

Catch up on Dreamer’s story here

Stopwatch photo by Matt Lamers for Unsplash

Catch Your Breath Here

by Laurie Klein 20 Chiming In

Breath.

Nose-to-nose,
each day,
in near silence,
this is how
a teen-aged boy
greets his alpaca:

They touch foreheads . . . and breathe,
swapping morning breath,
mutually saluting the life force.

A pulmonary transaction. A gift.
The trusting loan of what each needs most.

I think of Aslan breathing on poor Mr. Tumnus, frozen into a statue by the White Witch.

And the Hebrew word Ruach: “Wind. Breath. Spirit.”

Breath itself, in the beginning . . .

Dear Animating Mercy,

Thank you for breathing life into the first human being, part stardust, part water, part mystery.

Thank you for lungs—for every fetus, those dormant organs awakened at birth.

Thank you for dreaming up Breath Practice via placentas. Via the luminous, pulsing, umbilical cord. Each of us took practice breaths late in our third trimester. And did not drown. We inhaled rich amniotic fluid, safely expanded our untried lungs.

Thank you for surfactant, the ingenious lung coating that keeps air sacs open, inflated.

Thank you for oxygen and carbon dioxide, the great ongoing exchange among people, creatures, plants.

Thank you for sighs resetting our respiratory system, relieving stress, recalibrating emotions.

Thank you for moments that take our breath away.

Thank you for ancient truths, breathed out:

The Spirit of God has made me;
the breath of the Almighty gives me life (Job 33:4).

If it were [God’s] intention to withdrew his spirit and breath,
all would perish together and return to the dust (Job 34:14,15).

But it is the spirit in [us], the breath of the Almighty,
that gives . . . understanding (Job 32:8).

Tell me, what does holy mean now?

Aslan and Mr. Tumnus (watch the magic here).

You might also enjoy reading: Sigh, Sigh, Sigh (& Stay Alive)

Dandelion photo, by Johannes Plenio, Unsplash

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord (Psalm 150:6).

Greek Feet, Great Art & Pivotal Questions

by Laurie Klein 17 Chiming In

Trauma

Nested five-gallon buckets separate—mid-air—serially bashing my second toe.

Howls.
Language.
Mega blood blister.

Later, urgent Labrador claws, jigging at our front door,
meet my hapless, arthritic toe and,
accidentally, gouge open the blister.

Colors yet-to-be-named fresco my foot.
Weight bearing? Impossible.
26 foot bones, not one broken.

And now Toe #2 is 1/4 inch longer than before.

Solidarity

Nurse Tina, armed with gauze and surgical tape, groans aloud—more than once—and I love her for it.

She artfully buddy straps toes 2 and 3.

Greek Feet, buddy strapped (courtesy of a Seahawks fan)

My newly-bound twosome throbs.

I hobble.

I google.

Comparisons

Pop Quiz: How does my foot resemble

Venus de Milo?
da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man?
The Statue of Liberty?

Turns out I have Greek Feet, my second toes longer than my big toes. Greek Feet are the idealized foot shape found in ancient statuary, continuing up to our present-day Lady of Liberty. (Longer big toes? You have Egyptian Feet. Read more here.)

Reflexologists, or Foot Readers, claim overlong second toes indicate leadership qualities: resourcefulness, creativity, intelligence, confidence, enthusiasm, impulsiveness, and vulnerability to stress.

Snopes fodder? You decide.

“The second toe on your right foot shows what you want in life,” Foot Reader Jane Sheehan says. “If you are getting [what you want], the toe will be touching the floor.”

Flattened Toe #2 has never hugged more carpet. Am I getting what I want?

The Kicker

My sturdy middle toe has limits.

This reminds me of relationships. We bind ourselves to a loved one who’s hurting. We try to provide balance. Stability. We compensate, try to share the weight.

When do we loose the bonds, urge the injured part (or party) to step up again and fulfill its role?

Isn’t this what we ask ourselves?

Will Toe #2 return to its original shape? Will my shoes still fit? God knows.

Beyond Buddy Strapping

Meanwhile, I’m reading up on Venus de Milo:

Artistic feet.
Misplaced arms.
She is what she is. And known for it.

How do we play a supporting role—without playing God?

Reflexologist Jane Sheehan will give a reading if you send her a photo of your feet. Visit www.footreading.com

Still downsizing …

How the cuts are made

Second thoughts

Needless?

Depth Perception

Backing Up

Downsizing

At our most awkward, we tell ourselves we’ll never be cool enough.

Which brings me here, now:

Do you need rest?

Or a new dream?

We’re priming our souls for adventure,

an invitation to the as-yet undreamed …

Dear Animating Mercy,

Trauma

Solidarity

Comparisons

The Kicker

Beyond Buddy Strapping

At our most awkward,
we tell ourselves
we’ll never be cool enough.

**an invitation to the as-yet undreamed …**