Depth Perception
“Yell,” Dreamer says,
“when the trailer hitch is exactly
6 inches from the rear wall.”
Six inches?
That’s the length of my hand.
I plaster myself
into the far left corner
of the RV storage unit,
40 feet from the door.
Side margins equal
the space between my elbow
and first set of knuckles.
Which are white.
“What if you can’t hear me?” I holler.
But he’s already revving
our 32-foot Behemoth
up the incline, into the unit.
Half-way in, he brakes,
folds his side mirror flat.
“Driving blind,” he calls.
Success now rests
on his hearing plus
my depth perception.
And I’m nearsighted.
Somehow, by trusting each other, we pull it off.
Backing Up
Even as I daily resolve to move forward, embrace Change, backing up plays a role—especially as we try to downsize 45 years of shared life. Nearly 3 decades in our current house.
Have you read The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, by Margareta Magnusson, aged somewhere between 80 and 100?
Granny-mags, as we fondly call her, urges streamlining. We respect our heirs’ emotions and precious time by downsizing while we’re still able-bodied.
“Death cleaning
is a permanent form
of organization . . .”
Death can be a friendly presence, directing priorities.
Go back. Item by item.
Remember and reflect on
the small joys of a long life.
Tucked within books and yellowing files I find childhood stories our daughters wrote. I find grade school stories by yours truly, saved by my mother.
Depth perception turns fluid—Mom’s behind me now, somehow alive, guiding me as I dismantle home.
Just as Mom might say,
Granny-mags offers this:
“There is always a young person,
starting a new life.”
Growing a home.
So donate. Leave notes in those books you’re giving away.
Bless someone with that desk or table, and share vital or funny things learned or written or served there.
Downsizing
One snippet of history, passed on, provides the needed distance to let go. My vision widens and deepens, the way having two eyes makes depth perception possible.
What is depth perception?
I’m freeing myself from tunnel vision:
the fear-driven caching of stuff—things
I’ll never miss. Junk.
By day, we downsize.
By night, online, room by room,
we study house after house.
We divvy the list, mostly still feel
we are driving blind
yet joyriding, this time
in a ’78 ragtop Super Beetle,
a fresh wind stirring memories,
thoughts, fears—
all this chaff blowing out the back . . .
Health update: Med-wise, Dreamer’s cardiologist says to “Stay the course.” He sees the hematologist today, October 4th.
We await the referral to a Muscular Dystrophy specialist.
I’m afraid I’ve lost touch. Has Bill been diagnosed with muscular dystrophy? I recall your daughter had a similar diagnosis. Are you moving somewhere with that future in mind? I’m thinking of both of you and wishing you all the best. Your writing is so inspirational, Laurie. Love to you both. Pat
Hi Pat, thanks for stopping by! I feel like I’ve just received a hug.
Bill sees the neurologist next week. From the family history and current list of symptoms, it sure looks like M.D. And yes, our youngest has been diagnosed.
So glad you find inspiration here, friend. Love to you from both of us!
My plan is to die a sudden death and leave it for someone else to deal with.
Failing that, we are looking at “a couple of years” and then do it in earnest. In the meantime, bringing up an armload, or a trash can/bag full every trip, especially Thursdays, which is before our trash pickup day. Sorting, recycling giving away, going to St. Vinney’s or Goodwill, Trying to get the kids to take something each time they are here. You guys are an inspiration! Our wake up call.
My vote? Plan B. 🙂
What a good idea to pare away things weekly—much more efficient than my early attempts, beginning two years ago (quarterly donation trips to thrift stores). I also tried giving away one thing from our family line each Thanksgiving, as a kick-off to Black Friday/Christmas. First year: my father and grandmother’s bread bowl, one to each daughter. Trouble was, I wasn’t really ready yet to follow through yearly.
I’ve almost finished going through my office. To my surprise, I like the lean look! Hope my changing sensibilities snowball, and soon, cuz the houses we’re viewing are a whole lot smaller.
Thanks for your upbeat solidarity!
Laurie, I decided to look up the purge ( I know you know the definition) just to see what Webster says. Here it is: [To cleanse or purify by separating and carrying off whatever is impure, heterogeneous,foreign or superfluous; as, to purge the body by evacuation; to purge the Augean stable. It is followed by away, of, or off. We say, to purge away or to purge off filth, and to purge a liquor of its scum.] I don’t have a stable, but I do have closets and a garage. Remembering that years in this life are in the minus. Going through memories seeing how rich we are is such a blessing. Thank you for reminding me that it’s a necessary thing to purge.
Bev, thanks for the research.
And for this sentence: “I don’t have a stable, but I do have closets and a garage.” It makes me smile.
I too feel freshly grateful for nearly uncountable blessings. You say it so well for us here: “Going though memories …”
I’m about to tape more boxes together, launch the next foray. So glad to have read your words first. 🙂
My dear Laurie, you so often say what we fell and can’t express. I feel myself in your living room sifting through your memories. I feel the strain of trying to do this while worried about your husband. And clinging to faith in this next chapter of your life together.
Can you take photographs of some of these treasured items, so you can hold the memory while getting rid of the object? Can you make an album so you can hide these treasures in your heart and share them with your family?
My heart is with you as you keep on keeping on. Lifting prayer to heaven on your behalf.
O to actually have your company! . . . yet I do, in spirit. Kathleen, you are an empath. I feel gathered up, gently consoled as I read your words. Yes, I will likely take more photos (still have to sift through the existing ones—tabling that enterprise of the heart for later). And if time allows, I want to create a collage or two, or collect images and make them later, when we’re resettled.
Thank you for your prayers and love and companionship . And for freshly expressing faith in the grace that gets us through.
Dear Laurie, thank you so much for this, it means so much to me. Prayers to surround you both at this very transitional time and for hubbie’s health and wellness! I am in a process of clearing out, and have received courage and strength from your post. It is not easy to let go, and I am a sentimental person, but the more I release, the lighter I have been feeling. Other than occasional twinges of regret about throwing certain things away. But I sense a great feeling of growth inside of me, when I clear out, give away, sell and organise a life time of things. Blessings to you both as you find your way. We are also looking for ours.
Jenneth, my prayers are with you both. I too am sentimental. And a collector. I too find the curating process oddly invigorating yet experience many a pang, Twinges too. And second thoughts.
Sift ‘n sort work now underscores my week days. (Weekends are for rest!) I am having to reckon some activities completed. Or remembered warmly, then abandoned, to make way for the next opportunities.
May your future unfold in ways that delight you! Keep me posted?
I get excited when I get an email from an advanced soul like yours.I feel such peace when I read your writings. Thank you and God Bless you and your family.
Robert, I don’t feel very advanced; with as much backing up as I’m having to do lately, and all the mercurial, attendant emotions, I’m deeply encouraged by your comment. Thank you.
I’m grateful you find peace here. Thank you so much for this blessing tonight. And the same blessing of God to you, and yours!
What a journey, Laurie… downsizing, death cleaning. Yes, I’ve heard of that. The thing is we all need to do that in one way or the other, whether or not we are experiencing a move, and I’m thinking that a whole lot of life will spring forth for both you and Bill in the painstaking process of death cleaning. I know you are realizing more than anything you and he long for his good health, and I pray it will be so . . . continual life springing up for him, a fountain of good health. I so get what you are going through with the decluttering as most call it. We had to do this when we first moved to this house–our 2nd house in all these near-43 years of marriage. We had accumulated so much. And despite that we did discard or bestow to others, things have multiplied again like Topsy! We’ve lived here nearly 19 years! So this fall (because I failed to do so this summer), I really want to tackle this yet again. And what I am praying for and your post reminds me of, is depth perception of another sort–spiritual depth perception. I’m not just looking at house clutter, but clutter of the heart, and asking God to take me deep this time (something He has wanted to do in me for a very long time) with a real heart-to-Heart confession and repentance cleansing. I get so far, and then I get afraid of how dark it is in here–yes, much like a long, deep, dark tunnel–that’s a picture of this heart of mine. But oh! God has promised He will go with me and lead the way, and that indeed there will be the Light of the World at the end of my tunnel. I need not fear, because He loves and forgives me. So I’m joining you on your depth-perspective journey, dear one. Stay steady. Stay strong.
Love
Lynn
Lynn, thank you for those beautiful, heartfelt prayers. Seems to me that, sooner or later, clutter encroaches upon every dimension of life. Thank you for deepening the metaphor for me by sharing some of your own fears and yearnings. Your transparency and love both spur and inspire me onward and more deeply inward. I am so grateful for your understanding and companionship along the Way.
Holding you up in your “getting small” journey. Bilbo has got nothing on you guys!
“Getting small.” Now I want the vanity plate. Or what a great t-shirt logo.
You and Bilbo give me the grins. :))))
Vanity Plates:
BILBO2
BLBOGO
GTGSML
GETSML
Since there already is a Bilbo 1, I’m afraid that you will need to get in line, Laurie. 🙂 Am reading a Hobbit devo, and truly loving it!!! I finally read the Hobbit (actually what I had not finished) this summer!
O these are great! Just read them aloud to Dreamer.
So many baffling acronyms these days . . . what fun to add new ones! Talk about a parking lot conversation starter.
Tell me the Hobbit devo title?
It FELT like down-sizing when we moved into our current home four years ago. But we still have too much stuff our children will not want–sentimental belongings passed down to us, but with no appeal for the next generation. Good Will benefits from our continued purging. Chaff indeed. Thank you for sharing Granny-mags’ wisdom! Praying that you and Dreamer receive hope-filled news today…
Nancy, you mention something I continue to struggle with: the break in the time-honored cultural pattern of generational objects and stories passed down and cherished. Families of the present and future live differently. Leaner. More mobile. I get it. I also mourn the setting aside of personal histories. Still an old-fashioned girl, at heart. 🙂
The hematologist ruled out scary possibilities today and advised a change in meds—yet to be okayed by the cardiologist. So it was good news.
I continue to pray for you and your husband, believing for “hope-filled news” soon (and great grace in the waiting.)
Laurie, this post is timely for me. Having to let go. I’m trying to let go of things these days, too. I always say only what’s eternal will last, that’s what matters. But my fingers are still clutching the things of earth. Yikes! Thanks for your encouragement.
Linda Jo, I empathize.
And your “Yikes!” makes me smile.
Thinking very literally now about my frequent white-knuckle grasp on my things plus the sometimes mixed blessing of opposable thumbs . . . and chuckling. Granny Mags speaks for me when she says “My vice is things.” I suspect my clinging to stuff is more about mental knuckles—which gives me a most peculiar image of my brain!
Painful as letting go can be, are you also finding glimmers of new freedom in the process?
Thanks Laurie for the blessing of your words on this journey. Yes, I’ve read Granny Mags book. It’s great!
Prayers are with you guys as always!🙏🏻❤️
Becky, yes, isn’t she wise and charming?! Currently, I’m reading “the life-changing magic of tidying up,” by marie kondo—another good one (although she is a true minimalist). I so appreciate tips and encouragement from those ahead of me on the path. This passage of life came sooner than I’d expected, but already there are bright spots. Thank you for being one of them!
❤️
Grateful, always, for your loyal friendship, eagle eyes and listening ears.
“driving blind yet joyriding” is a skill I am trying to practice as I accompany my husband and brother facing life incurable illnesses. Spiritual downsizing my expectations of self. Rightsizing my expectations of others. Not forgetting to appreciate ordinary everyday pleasures. Your words help me stay the course. Thanks Laurie!
Oh Barbara, what an ocean of need! No wonder waves are also called breakers. So easy to capsize. Yet I find buoyant hope in your outlook.
Your perspective (simultaneously downsizing expectations of self and rightsizing expectations of others) honestly, and memorably, expresses how I want to navigate similar waters. The word rightsizing, especially, speaks to me. Cheering you on, grateful for your example.
So far in our journey, we’ve let go of a lot, but I’ve had to draw a line at those photos and stories and notes. I dunno. Our kids may yet be doomed.
Stay the course. xoxo
Sandy, I feel privileged to have watched a few snippets of your adventure via FB, although I sometimes trembled for you at the cost—even as I’ve watched you embrace discovery, sink your curiosity and hopes and roots into new soil. I like knowing you’re up ahead . . . and today, brimming with understanding and (virtually) alongside.
You have a way of pulling together, putting together, the “trivia,” and turning the inches and glinches into Truth. It told me something about me and the day I’m focused on too tightly. I’m opening my clenched hand here. Thanks, friend. Thanks, God, for this brave woman who gathers the scraps and creates theses from them.
Open hands, yes. I’m grateful a piece of our saga speaks into yours, grateful for each time our (virtual) paths intersect, dear Judith. Fellow artisan, may we jettison the scraps that need new homes or no longer matter and keep making beauty from those that do.
Wonderful, Laurie!
Carol, those two words, that exclamation point . . . Thank you. That you respond this way assures me I’m spotting the hidden treasures along the path, unexpected and overgrown (sometimes booby-trapped!) and often steeper than I’d imagined. You strengthen my resolve to enjoy the ride! 🙂
oh my, Laurie. Such a journey. You are an inspiration truly. We will walk with you through this prayerful time. Love to you and Bill.
Jody, having you alongside is a gift. Thank you!
Just moved for the 9th time in 21 years. The costs are minimal compared to the payoffs. Praying for His peace and freedom to keep you airborne as you follow the cloud. Tis His hand that moveth it for your good and His glory.
Judi, I love hearing about those payoffs! 🙂 My hat is off to you both for all your adventures. And this image: “airborne as you follow the cloud.” So puts things in perspective. Thank you, dear friend!
Just moved for the 9th time in 21 years. The costs are minimal compared to the payoffs. Praying for His peace and freedom to keep you airborne as you follow the cloud. Tis His hand that moveth it for your good and His glory.
Judi, my dear, you two are INTREPID! Your example and joie d’vivre consistently inspire me.