Plot twist.

IT BEGINS LAST FRIDAY.

My husband and I spend hours in ER — again — this time, for him. Eventually, the doctor diagnoses Dreamer with a TIA, or mini-stroke. The man speaks kindly and clearly, with seasoned authority, knowledge, and long experience.

I remind him that he recently diagnosed me with Hydronephrosis. And that he recommended a followup ultrasound.

He grins, as if That’s why you look familiar.

“You’re a gift to our family,” I say. “God-given.”

He grins all the more. I glimpse him as a boy dreaming of one day healing the sick.

Then he’s a pro again, referring Dreamer to the stroke clinic, mentioning additional tests might reveal something else.

It’s as if authority reconnects to joy — with a whisper of humility. He’s saying he might be wrong.

ON TUESDAY the stroke doctor poses new questions, orders more tests. She suspects Dreamer endured a seizure rather than a stroke. She wants to investigate possible epilepsy.

And Parkinson’s.

Whoa. Didn’t see that coming.

LATER, THE SAME DAY, a jolt of good news: my ultrasound results come back clean: no kidney blockage. (Thank you, friends, for your prayers!)

I also chance to read Eugene Peterson’s introduction to Thessalonians. This line arrests me:

“[C]ontinue to live forward in taut and joyful expectancy for what God will do next in Jesus.”

Perhaps that word “taut” refers to our latest plot twist, one of those sideswiping events we humans encounter now and then, stress plus relentless, wrenching s-t-r-e-t-c-h.

So, how to rise above circumstances? Sustain “joyful expectancy”?

In Luke 10, The Message quotes Jesus as saying, “The great triumph is not in your authority over evil, but in God’s authority over you and presence with you. Not what you do for God but what God does for you — that’s the agenda for rejoicing.”

Author Brian Doyle jokes he never understood the word “humble” until his wife married him.

Then … they had three children.

“Of course, you do your absolute best,” he writes, “to reach out tenderly to touch and elevate as many people as you can reach.

“But you cannot control anything.

“All you can do is face the world with quiet grace and hope you make a sliver of difference.”

Doyle goes on to say humility is not about groveling or timid, milquetoast resignation or indifference.

“It’s more a calm recognition that you must trust in that which does not make sense … by the measure of most of our culture.

“You must trust that … trying to be an honest and tender parent will echo for centuries through your tribe.

“That being an attentive and generous friend and citizen will prevent a thread or two of the social fabric from unraveling.”

The author then quotes his brother who memorably quipped, “Humility, the final frontier.”

Doyle suggests that we either “walk toward love or away from it with every breath we draw,” and describes himself “… trying to leave shreds and shards of ego along the road like wisps of litter and chaff.”

Here’s an abridged, interactive prayer you might like. First published in 1936, it was written by John Baillie, a Scottish theologian entrusted with numerous positions of authority, and a believer whose prayers breathe out humility and joy.

“Lord, let my first thought each day be of Thee, 
let my first impulse be to worship Thee, 
let my first speech be Thy name,
my first action, prayer.

For Thy perfect wisdom and goodness:
I praise and worship Thee, Lord. 
For Thy love for all:
I praise and worship Thee, Lord. 
For Thy love for me, and for the indwelling of Thy Spirit:
I praise and worship Thee, Lord. 
For the great and mysterious opportunity of my life:
I praise and worship Thee, Lord.

Let me not, when this prayer is said, think my worship ended and spend the day in forgetfulness. Rather from these moments of quietness let light go forth, and joy, and power, that will remain with me through all the hours of the day.

Keeping me mindful … and truthful:
Faithful … and grateful …
Humble and generous …
Amen and amen.”

Authority, humility, joy. Oh, I have so much to learn!

The last word, of course, always belongs to God:

“This is the one to whom I will look. The one who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word” (Isaiah 66:2).

Are you moving toward love these days, or away from it?

P.S. For all who prayed: our unending thanks. We are able to live in our home again!
For all who wish to pray: For a diagnosis and for our health, hope, and stamina.

Brian Doyle, One Long River of Song

John Baillie, A Diary of Private Prayer
(prayer abridged and adapted by yours truly for this post)

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Resilience, under Siege

Photo by Andrea De Santis on Unsplash