Holidays, here they come . . .
And I’ve already blown it. Big time. Boy, am I sorry.
In the Christmas month when we reflect on Mary’s humble surrender to God, I unleashed an emotional vortex.
Personal desolation freighted each word I spoke. In return, hard-hitting truths were spoken to me. Pain—both past and present—collided, blinding me to how my words were hurting the other person. I made it all about me.
Conversation became an eruption. And later, when I was alone, an implosion.
Thank God. (Wait. Did she really just say that?)
Yes. Severe mercy was at work.
Professor Randy Pausch, in The Last Lecture, describes chronically disappointing his boyhood football coach. One day, the coach lit into him. The coach’s assistant, trying to encourage young Pausch, said this:
When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you.
Dutch Uncle
Someone cared enough to tell me the hard truth. Such a person was once called a Dutch Uncle: one who speaks directly, even sternly to instruct, inspire, or admonish someone.
I was a wreck. Now God was offering me the chance for deep emotional healing through the words of the very person I’d wounded. Would I accept?
Even Mary, confronted with the angel Gabriel speaking for God, faced wrenching, unimaginable change. Probably trembling, she asked, “How will this be?”
The angel’s answer was cryptic.
Mary still said Yes.
A personal New Year
Yes, ache and frustration spewed that day. I discovered a place so raw only Love would care to, and dare to, lay it bare. Breathe on it. Ease it. Which felt awful, and right.
My meltdown bridged Thanksgiving and my birthday. For years I’ve followed Madeleine L’Engle’s custom of using her birthday (a date we share) to launch her personal New Year.
Today, having said my “Yes” to the healing process, having resolved to change, I’m heading toward 2017 with a new mindset, hoping blessings will follow.
Poet Adrienne Rich once said:
When a woman tells the truth, she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.
Holidays: from the depths to the heights
We know emotions spike during holidays. We miss those no longer with us. We try to delight those who are still here. We hope for peace in our world, peace in our families. Our churches. Our places of work.
And we both bless and blow it.
Despite our mistakes, new life keeps heading toward us. In my case, literally. We will soon welcome our fourth windfall grandchild. The due date? New Year’s Eve.
Such is the love of God that new life is always on its way. It’s heading for our doorsteps even now.
Will we make room for change in our lives?
Make room for Him?
How might these holidays usher in healing for you?
Thank you for your words Laurie.
Judith, thank you so much for reading the post. (Re-reading it myself, I relive it and remind myself to tend and sustain the hard-won understanding.)
I will always be grateful for meeting you and for all that you taught me. Thank you, Judith.
Wishing you and your loved ones a happy, healthy Christmas and new year.
Thank you dear Laurie for your refreshing honesty and challenge to embrace the painful lessons and find God’s voice in the middle of these painful trials, of which I’ve had a fair share this past year and can so relate to your brave sharing. I always leave your writing feeling inspired! Blessings this new year 2017!
Oh Jenneth, sounds like you’ve been stretched in similar ways. I know it ultimately does us good, but the pain takes its toll. Thank you for your words of encouragement and understanding. Wishing you God’s matchless peace in these coming days, and anointed creativity for continued celebration in the New Year
😢Oh, please, Lord, you know I prefer to learn things the easy way… The easy way is so much cleaner, but, oh, dear, Lord, Your will be done. Thank You that I am being made new. My heart is with you, dear precious Laurie. The hard way is the lasting way. Alleluia that you were given eyes to see. Happy new year to happy new you!
Pacia, I feel the same way. I always hope I’ll learn the hard lessons by reading an improving book, hasn’t worked yet, but it still might, ha ha. Thank you sweet friend for your solidarity, love, and good wishes. Happy New Year to you and your family!!
And to you and yours! ❤❤
“How might these holidays usher in healing for you?” What a pregnant question….like Mary carrying the Christ child.
My healing process concerns matters of carrying burdens I’m not meant to bear, learning to give up and give in to God’s control and power.
Praise Him we are still learning, beautiful, gifted, old-ish us.
Jody, that’s a hard one for me, too, probably the hardest of all: the discerning and then the honest, wholehearted surrender. And it always works out so much better when I let go!
“Beautiful, gifted, old-ish us … still learning”—I love that!!
First, congratulations on the new windfall of life headed your family’s way! I love that. So does God, apparently as He continues to point the stork in your direction ♥
I too, as others have commented, appreciate your vulnerable openness, Laurie. Bless your heart abundantly with balm – both of Gilead and where you’ve blown it. I relate. Isn’t God’s love and truth healing? Enjoy your early Christmas gift 🙂
Nancy, that image of God aiming the stork absolutely delights me. 🙂
You are so encouraging and compassionate. Thanks for seeing this with me as God’s incomparable gift. So encouraging.
A raw, revealing, and redemptive post, Laurie. I’m glad you said yes, despite the pain, and went the next step to share your heart so that others might follow. Bless you. I’m sure you know Denise Levertov’s Annunciation. Your pathway has not vanished, because you said yes. Your pathway, grace-strewn, leads to new birth and the New Year.
God bless you in your travels.
Love
Lynn
Congrats on that new baby too!
Lynn, thank you for this loving response. And I’m so glad you mentioned the Levertov poem. I need to read it again. I’ll do that this evening. I remember it’s powerful.
And yes, here’s to newness all around, the baby, the path, the birth, the year ahead.
May beautiful newness grace your days ahead (with no toothy sharks looming out from the walls!)
To personal New Years and hallelujah to Grand Love, Laurie.
You are a beautiful woman. Why? Because your heart is open for Your Lord.
Thank you for writing & sharing a vulnerable post that connects to us in such a hearfelt way.
Carol, I sure hope I get to meet you in person some day. Thank you for your kindness and understanding. It means so much.
Wishing a wondrous Christmas and New Year to you and yours!