Dream House.
Chef heaven. Double ovens, gas range, gorgeous granite countertop—I picture myself ladling out gourmet soup. And if I drop a bowl? No problem. Cork flooring cushions all.
The place is perfect. One-level living, spacious rooms, views of naturalized parkland—we LOVE it! Seizing Dreamer’s hand, I pray aloud, “If this is our house, Lord, hold it for us.”
Next morning, while signing our bid I recognize the owners’ names. Long ago we attended church together.
God must want this for us.
All night I alternate between “Don’t count your chickens” and mentally furnishing every last room.
Come morning, we send the owners a winsome personal letter and our bid—15 K over list price.
God loves us, so things will go well. Right?
Turns out other bids have preceded ours. All day we hope our old friends will choose us.
Nope.
Therapy Option #1: Write
(To the tune of “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow”)
The Real Estate Song, or Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go
with apologies to Jule Styne and Sammy Cahn
Oh, the bidding wars sure are frightful,
And the dream house so delightful.
Our offer turned out too low . . .
Let it go, let it go, let it go.
Well, the market is really hoppin’,
And it shows no signs of stoppin’.
I wish we had lots more dough . . .
Let it go, let it go, let it go.
It’s no wonder I sit here cryin’
As our hopes are slowly dying,
But today’s nearly through and so . . .
Let it go, let it go, let it go.
Meanwhile, back at the rancher
I pray.
And pace.
Grieve.
And growl.
Mostly growl.
Therapy Option #2: Bake
Anger spits and sizzles in me like a downed power line. I was so sure the house was meant to be ours. I imagined Dreamer’s faith being renewed in the process of buying the dream house.
Heat works its way up my throat. A hard lump. I swallow it down.
In my one-butt kitchen with its erupting linoleum and elderly laminate counters, I mix cookie dough. Granite and cork are overrated. So are kitchen fans. Around me the air congeals, laden with sugar and fat. I breathe it in. Maybe it will sweeten my thoughts.
Nope.
I slip cookies onto the rack to cool. This, I can control. Unlike crushing dismay.
I am breaking my heart over a house, looking behind me with longing. Like Lot’s wife.
Tears come, briny and fast.
As do reminders of mercy.
No brimstone. No judgment.
Relief, finally, is remembering God is good. And always, always worthy of trust.
Then believing it. Slow work, sometimes.
My knee goes down, my gaze lifts.
I have a goofy song.
Fresh cookies.
And Time.
I eat 6 cookies, still warm and gooey, taste the sweetness, a promise of things to come …
UPDATE: Friends, thank you for your prayers! Parkinson’s has been ruled out. Dreamer recently underwent a brain MRI and will have an EMG on Dec. 21. He’ll consult with an M.D. specialist sometime in the New Year. Both our daughters are also experiencing acute physical challenges, including surgery in December. I’m learning a lot about grace.
We’re dialing back the moving process, for now.
Catch up on our story here.
Photo by Jamie Strett for Unsplash.
Connie says
Dear Laurie,
Years have past since I was blessed to have met you .
Our 2 girls being in school together and being such good friends.
At church this past Sunday we sang “ I love you Lord” as part of the sermon about singing unto our Savior when we worship.
I am a new subscriber and am blessed to read previous posts.
I look forward to God blessing through you and reconnecting sweet Laurie.
My Hubby of nearly 45 years has had major heart issues and I have had one total knee replacement and facing a second one in a couple weeks. As you will see this post is early. You my friend have been such a blessing as I read your posts. When fear and disappointment abound… He encourages. Through whatever way He knows will bless us. This morning He chose you to bless me .
May He bless you and Bill and your sweet girls.
So good that God had us sing I love you Lord on Sunday so we could reconnect.
I reread the Spokesman review article in 2016 and came upon your blog.
So grateful to God for His Hand on our lives.
With Love and thanks for your blog and sharing your heart.
May God bless you as you bless others.
Because of Jesus,
Connie Blackorby
Laurie Klein says
Connie, how delightful to hear from you! Thank you so much for subscribing and reading back through the archives. I hope you’ll find encouragement, beauty, and grist for thought and prayer in these posts, and in the insightful comments left by others. I cherish the readers who gather here.
Hearing that “I Love You, Lord” still moves people . . . still moves me. Thanks for letting me know. 🙂
You and your husband have weathered really scary terrain, yet faith and gratefulness reach through your words as I read them. May your new knee (and all the recovery entailed) strengthen and liberate you for whatever comes next in your lives.
Nancy Bentz says
Dear Laurie & Dreamer ~ God’s beloveds know disappointment, but never, never will they know His dis-appointment. Praying in His perfect plan, will, and timing. Including His gorgeous taste in decorating. At the appointed time, this too shall come to pass, as only He can do ♥ Blessed season of adoration in your humble abode.
Laurie Klein says
Nancy, that clever play on words is one that will stick in my brain, thank you! And the chaser of “appointed time” adds to the insight. So grateful for this! May you too find deep blessing and safe haven in this season despite so many recent losses. I am grateful for you in my life!
Mary A Keith says
Laurie,
It amazes me how you can take your own struggles and use them to bless others ! What a beautiful reminder to us all that God’s plan is not always the same as our plan! But, chocolate chip cookies is also a sign that there is a “sweeter” option coming!
Praying for you and your family,
Love,
Mary Ann
Laurie Klein says
Mary Anne, thanks so much for reading and leaving word of your feeling blessed. I’ve seen you do the same thing with struggles, turning them into blessings and inspiration for others. I guess it all comes down to that idea of the wounded healer, doesn’t it. And hurray for real butter and chocolate, now and then, to ease the way . . . 🙂
Judith says
Laurie, As always I love reading your writing. Sorry you have all these health challenges in your family. As I surround my family with a pink cloud, I’m adding you to my prayer list as well. Let it go~
Laurie Klein says
Judith, thanks for reading, and for including us in your prayers! A pink cloud sounds beautiful and soothing and infused with gentle light. We could use some of that! My daughter and I talked with her surgeon today. She should have a date scheduled within the next few days. We really hope it will be in December. Hoping your daughter is well again after that huge scare some months ago. It’s so hard watching the ones we love battle health issues. Standing alongside one another in mutual support sure helps. Thank you, friend.
Sandi says
Thank you for sharing your gift of faith in the midst of disappointment in such an honest and at the same time, humorous way. I hope those cookies had chocolate in them. The way you handle life is so inspiring and a beautiful testimony to the strength and peace of the Holy Spirit living in you.
Miss you and the dreamer and so grateful to feel you close through your writing. Praying for the perfect place and physical healing to come very soon. In the meantime my heart hears you singing “I love you Lord” in the midst of all this knowing He loves you more.
Laurie Klein says
Sandi, they were chocolate chip cookies. Hadn’t had any in a very long time. 🙂 Where would any of us be without the Holy Spirit to strengthen, calm, and inspire us?!
It’s lovely to hear from you and sense how the heart connection holds true, even over time and distance. I am so grateful for your prayers. Thank you!
Keisha Valentina Brown says
Oh Laurie, this hits close to home… in so very many ways. Continuing to pray for your family. I think of you all the time. I love you!
Laurie Klein says
Dear Keisha, it sounds like disappointments and obstacles might be your path as well? I’m sorry to hear it, although I know we grow in grace through times like these. May you find your way through the hard places into deep peace, my dear. Love you, too!
Nancy Ruegg says
I am SO sorry you didn’t get that house. There are many good reasons why you should have–in my humble, short-sighted, ill-informed view! Believing IS slow work when nonsensical events occur. Kudos to you, Laurie, for allowing reminders of God’s mercy to bring you to hope, and a promise of things to come. May that include a resolution to the health problems plaguing your family right now, and another perfect house!
Laurie Klein says
Ah, Nancy, your regret does my heart good. I will be especially watchful for those reminders of mercy. I’m so grateful for your friendship and prayer support. Thank you! And I continue to pray for the two of you, as well. As we pray for our men, let’s lean into grace all the more . . .
Joy Lenton says
Oh, Laurie, what a disappointment to see the ideal dream home you’d set your hearts on floating away out of reach. But what tender yet resilient hearts you have developed over the years! I believe that God-given dreams don’t die on the vine, they thrive when rooted in the Vine Himself. All we surrender helps pave the way for a more gracious awareness and acceptance of God’s best. Sometimes the dream will be resurrected. Sometimes it will be reshaped. And sometimes it was never ours to keep.
Hopefully we will be able to react with honesty, coupled with steely determination and faith, as we open our arms to the new and the next. A beautiful, wry sense of humour (such as you have!) and a desire to turn our frustration to penning a poem/song or baking cookies is optional, of course, but will always stands us in good stead for the road ahead. Keeping you all in my prayers. May you be equipped to face the health and house moving hurdles before you with equanimity and peace. Blessings and love. <3
Laurie Klein says
Joy, yet again you gently acknowledge reality and simultaneously refocus me on the Source. I’m especially taking to heart your trifecta of “honesty, coupled with steely determination and faith” as my watchword for the coming weeks. Thank you, for your steadfast friendship, prayers, and love. Wishing you two a gentle season, rich in grace. xo
Dan Rice says
So nicely said, Laurie. Thank you!
Laurie Klein says
Dan, thank you! Happiest-ever Thanksgiving to you two!
Robert Weston says
We so feel for you in this Laurie. Hopes deferred – especially such promising ones – are so hard to bear. I come back always at such times to 1 Corinthians 15:36 – that what you sow does not come to life until it dies. It is one of those verses people barely even notice until suddenly it becomes the most important of all. Time and again we have ‘gone for something’ in faith and hope – and with what looked like perfectly good leading of the Holy Spirit only for it not to work out as we had expected. Of course it hurts, embarrassingly so sometimes! And yet all the time the Lord was planning and preparing the real thing, either by the original returning, or something at least equally as good. What we went through turns out to have been a ‘dummy run’ – or as i prefer to call it these days, a ‘dress rehearsal’ for the real thing.
May this seed come up and cause you both to rejoice – and the Lord guard your heart during the long waiting time. As The Passion Translation has it,
‘A single grain of wheat will never be more than a single grain of wheat unless it drops into the ground and dies. Because then it sprouts and produces a great harvest of wheat—all because one grain[v] died.’ (John 12:24 TPT)
The translator’s footnotes are comforting too:
u – John 12:24 The Aramaic has an interesting word play with “it dies” (myta) and “it produces” (mytya).
v – John 12:24 The “one grain” is Jesus Christ, who will within days be offered as the sacrifice for sin on Calvary’s cross. He will “drop” into the ground as “a grain of wheat” and bring forth a great “harvest” of “seeds.” This parable given to Philip and Andrew was Jesus’ reply to the request by the non-Jewish seekers to see Jesus. Christ’s answer? “They will see Me through you. As you follow Me, you will also experience the dying and birthing experience.” The harvest among the nations will come when we follow Jesus where He goes.
w – John 12:24 The Aramaic is translated “if it dies, it will bring forth a great rebirth.”
with our love as ever,
Robert and Rosalind
Laurie Klein says
“. . . embarrassingly so sometimes!” Ouch. So well said.
Robert, you’ve moved house many times—often under duress—which makes your observations doubly precious to me. Thank you for reminding me of the story: the wheat, the why, the waiting.
Thank you especially on this, our Yankee Thanksgiving Day, for including the rich translation notes. (“myta” is my new favorite word!) And the application to the larger story: Consider my vision and hope expanding . . . even as I type!
April Yamasaki says
Thank you for this, Laurie. I appreciate the way you write about your journey together with your Dreamer. Dream on! Have a blessed Thanksgiving time–with more cookies 🙂
Laurie Klein says
April, thank you for reading and commenting. It means a lot to me. I’m grateful for pastoral advisement to eat more cookies! 🙂
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Lynn D. Morrissey says
It’s so hard, Laurie, so, so hard, especially when the dream seems perfect for a Dreamer and his Dreamette! I know the disconcerting feel beneath the feet of lifting linoleum tiles (and in our case other things gone awry in our then put-together-with-nails-and-glue-primitive little “cottage” that we called home for twenty-four years). I loved it though, and hated to leave, and yet we needed to for a number of reasons. But I never stopped hating that kitchen floor. Houses we shopped came and went… including the grand-dame Victorian on which I had my heart set. The price was so high we didn’t even bid. But when the time was right, although God did not give me my dream home, He reinvented the dream with a sprawling ranch house, perfect for my Renaissance man who promptly had a serious heart attack right after that move. God knew our needs, and now we dream new dreams here. And what did we take with us from Linden Cottage? Its essence, because the heart and soul of the house resides in its tenants. Dreamer has had some very difficuly physical heart issues, and yet his soul-heart and yours are good . . . in love, grateful for family and friends (who won’t leave just because you relocate), and all those numerous blessings that you will count around your Thanksgiving table. God may not give you what you want, but He will give you what you need, and then it will become all you want!!! In the meantime, I really get it. It is hard. So sorry about your house! Wishing you a happy thanksgiving, and grateful for your friendship and gifts…
Love
Lynn
Laurie Klein says
Lynn, your house story amazes me, and it also builds my faith for the right outcome, at the right time. Gosh, what a testimony to the farseeing love of God. I love what you say about God reinventing the dream, and implanting new dreams in your hearts as well. It will be good to gather the family here for another Thanksgiving and Christmas. I do love this house and the history we’ve created here. May your Thanksgiving celebration enrich your lives at every level (well, maybe not the caloric). Thanks for your ongoing friendship, fellow wordsmith. It’s priceless.
Gena Goode Bradford says
Laurie, this may be one of the best things you’ve ever written. It’s funny, heartwarming, and everyone can identify with it. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. But you have risen above it with a song and a cookie and remembering that God is good. I love this piece of your writing.
Laurie Klein says
Gena, I’m glad you like the post, and I’m even gladder you prayed I’d be able to write it! A winning combination . . . 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving, dear friend!
Pacia Dixon says
Hello, sweet friend. Hello to your sweet-smelling kitchen. And all the sweetness and beauty of your life. How I appreciate your take on all the circumstances of life that line up to tell a beautiful story and/or paint in photographic lights. Oh, how I treasure you, your words, your images… Praying with you, my friend of the heart.
Laurie Klein says
Pacia, the day we met was a golden day. Look what God has done in us, over time. A deep heart connection. I appreciate your artistry and faith and friendship and encouragement so much! Happy Thanksgiving to you and the Silver Fox.
Mike says
God is so good to us.
Laurie Klein says
Mike, I just have to add my AMEN! To have shelter and nourishment and loved ones and meaningful work and a future to die for is over-the-top grace.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Niki says
“A future to die for.” Did the you that pun! It’s fabulous!
Laurie Klein says
Intended, yes. Felt good in the brain, glad it shone out from the screen. 🙂 Happy thanksgiving to you and the family, dear friend!
Carol says
If you ate 6 cookies I know you are grieving! But don’t worry about those cookies!! God’s timing sure does not match ours. We need to talk dear sis!
Laurie Klein says
You know me so well! Are you hosting the feast tomorrow? Maybe a phone call in the morning or evening? Love you, sis!!!!
Deanna says
Belief is slow work. So true! No better way to summon thankfulness, belief and hope than a batch of fresh cookies! Amen! My heart is feeling for your family with so many difficulties all at once. I’m rememing you in prayer!
Laurie Klein says
Deanna, I like the way you think. Cookie guilt, begone!:)
Thanks, dear friend, for shouldering some of the weight, in prayer. I’m so grateful for your presence here. And in my life! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Jan Hicks says
Laurie, thank you for sharing your in your story. Prayers for health issues in Bill and your daughters. Happy Thanksgiving as you heal from your disappointment.
Laurie Klein says
Dear Jan, thanks so much for reading the post and leaving love behind you for me in your note. I appreciate your prayers and good wishes. You two know all about health and downsizing and moving . . . Happiest-ever Thanksgiving to you!
Deborah Hesler says
Wow beautiful Laurie!!! I’m
Inspired … your trust to surrender… I love you ❤️
Laurie Klein says
Deborah, how great to hear from you! I need a t-shirt emblazoned with one word: “Uncle.” I tend to ping-pong in the surrender department: lay things down/reclaim them/yield again/fret and abet/, repeat . . . Thanks for your love, all these years later!
John William Lindsay says
I’m in on the cookies, part of the support group compensation. There is a saying in our family, “It’ll be fine” You’re right – sometimes it takes a while, and sometimes it’s not what we think it should be, but it’ll be fine. In our case, the search for the single story home goes on – we have a few conditions, 1. it has to be on this piece of ground. 2. It must be here, on this piece of ground. 3. We’ll win the lottery if we have to, but this piece of ground is kind of under our skin. We know our challenges will come and we will have to eventually move on, too, but know our hearts and minds are with you and yours as you struggle through the fog. There is a new day coming – not all days arrive in the sequence we might like.
May you find the peaceful solution you seek, friends.
Laurie Klein says
Feeling the companionship, John and Pam, so welcome during this Thanksgiving Week. Having seen your piece of ground, I totally get what you’re saying. Creative zoning? An inlaw cottage? Grateful for your friendship, tried and true. Please pass the cookies . . .
Dana Bowne says
Eating six cookies while trusting in the Lord sounds like a perfectly reasonable strategy to me…
Laurie Klein says
And you know what they say about two in agreement “as touching anything” 🙂
Susan says
❤️
Laurie Klein says
Deanna, I like the way you think. Cookie guilt, begone!:) Thanks, dear friend, for shouldering some of the weight, in prayer. So grateful for your presence here. And in my life! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Laurie Klein says
Thanks, Susan. Marvelous how one little icon can encompass so much. Love you!
Laurie Klein says
Thank you, dear friend. Ah, I see I’ve already answered your response. Mine just showed up a paragraph lower. But should this land afresh in your inbox, let me quote the Bard. In all things, and in all times, for your friendship I say: “I can no other answer make but thanks, And thanks; and ever thanks.”