Remember Bill Murray as the neurotic in “What About Bob”?
Fear immobilized him. Reduced him to a ball of nerves.
Thwart a Woolly Bear Caterpillar’s autumn walkabout and, terrified, it curls up. Instantly. A sable muff.
Then it commences playing dead—
—no matter how long you hold out that cell phone to film The Big Stretch.
While you wait, Google will tell you a caterpillar’s body houses 4,000 muscles. (Can we take a moment to marvel?)
Playing dead is their defense, a way to feel invisible. Safe.
Think introvert at the company party. Or a women’s retreat.
Hidden muscle
If you divide What-about-Bob’s trademark solution (taking Baby Steps) among twenty-four stumpy little legs, progress looks infinitesimal.
Sometimes, headway goes belly-up.
Our bodies have 629 muscles. Not to mention will power. Plus inner strength. Our forward motion is more visible.
Some of us like to bootstrap our way onward . . .
- Despite setbacks
- Despite scheduling snafus
- Despite out-of-the blue news that upends plans
Some of us quit, overwhelmed.
I’ve been asking the Spirit to change my default response—I can’t do this!—into four one-syllable words: God, I trust you.
Which sounds so simple.
Disclaimer
Despite my fine intentions, Friday I reverted to Woolly Bear Muff Mode. Then tears. I’d learned my book will be in print this week. I thought I had more time to prepare.
With a roar a mental chasm opened up at my feet.
I wasn’t ready to hear I’ve got your back. Trust Me. There was too much noise in my head.
Enter, God, right? . . . wait, who’s this guy?
(Meet Dreamer, a character in my book.)
DREAMER: “But you wanted to fly. This is good news.”
YOURS TRULY (wailing): “I’m not ready!”
DREAMER (mildly): “Well, think of it as a grand adventure.”
YOURS TRULY: “Feels more like an abyss.”
DREAMER: “Are you scared of falling? Or failing? It’s only a book. Listen, how bad can it be? Will anyone die of this?”
YOURS TRULY (sniffling): “I might.”
Another author’s take
“The gaps,” Annie Dillard writes, “are the clefts in the rock where you cower to see the back parts of God;
they are fissures between mountains. . .
and cells the wind lances through,
the icy narrowing fjords splitting the cliffs of mystery.”
(Brrrrrr, Give me a wing chair and steaming tea laced with honey.)
“Go up into the gaps,” Dillard urges.
Dreamer adds: “A gap is a gift. You don’t always have to charge across it. Curl up today with a good book—someone else’s book. And notice the story works out.”
I wiped my eyes, interested. “It’s not denial?”
“Try playing dead for one day, on this side of the chasm. Decompress. Tomorrow, tackle your lists.”
I released 629 muscles (clinging to my imagined cliff), then cozied up in my favorite chair. I read a book about clinging to God and learning to celebrate our smallness (more on this soon). Sipped tea and journaled.
Ate all the raspberries for dinner. Slept like Woolly Bear during winter hibernation.
Today I’m writing to you. Sending emails. Making plans.
There’s a time to forge ahead, to get our hustle on. There’s a time to hunker down and regroup.
And now . . . God
“When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by” (Exodus 33:22 NIV).
Now that’s my idea of safe, playing dead for a while in the shadow of the Almighty (repeating I trust you).
MAKING IT PERSONAL
Do you need to lay something aside for a day? What’s really stopping you?
*For those who’ve not heard of muffs: They are round fur pillows with two deep, satin-lined pockets, to warm one’s hands.
Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek http://tinyurl.com/nzyeu2h
For thoughts on how to cross the gap, visit:https://lauriekleinscribe.com/crossing-the-gap/
Thank uou, Laurie. I need to hear the “Trust Me” refrain again and again. He has our back. So good. We can take time to rest. I love your lttle woolly guy. I wonder if he knows how many lessons he’s taught us?
Me, too, Linda Jo. I love how the small things in life speak, if only we slow down enough to listen.
Beautiful writing, Laurie. Found myself reading from line to line with expectation, excited to see what you had for me in the next sentence: Stunning imagery? Poetic artistry? Astute wisdom? All three?! Appreciated greatly your advice: “There’s a time to forge ahead, to get our hustle on. There’s a time to hunker down and regroup.” Also found myself nodding in agreement about the fear of falling and failing. Just recently I read about focusing on the next step God has for us–not the whole length of road ahead. God rarely lays out his whole plan all at once. So why stress ourselves trying to see through the fog that obscures the future? It’s there for a reason: to impel us to trust in Him. Again, thank you for a very meaningful post, Laurie. I’ll be back!
Nancy, thank you for dropping in! I am nodding over your wise words about the next step being focus enough, for now, and also fog’s gift to us, impelling trust. Your encouragement cheers me no end. Thank you, and blessings on you!
I was wondering about that caterpillar. I’m glad he played dead to be God’s object lesson to you, then to us.
thank you.
Who knew such a small creature could carry such a big message?! Thanks, Jody. Hope you are refilling your inner well after all you recently poured out for others. 🙂
I need to take a day or maybe a week. All moved out of the old house yesterday … I am excited to be in the new house … our house. But like Peter Pan’s shadow I feel like not quite all of me has moved. Maybe it’s just the leaving. Maybe it’s the living amid the clutter of displaced items and to-be-emptied boxes … and the distress of trying to fit into an unfamiliar space. Curl up and play dead? Exactly what I need. Now if I could just find my tea and honey. 😉 Thanks for your perfectly timed thoughts.
Cris, I am holding you in prayer as you make this huge transition. Wow. The image of Peter Pan’s shadow is a poignant one. After all the hard work and organization it took to make the move happen, deep rest would be sublime. I hope you can salt “breathers” into your days as you settle in. I remember well your love and gift of creating order and beautiful spaces. May you find the pace that’s right as make a new home together!
I’ve been needing rests lately and it was good to read that it is OK with God to take a rest sometimes!
Deanna, I’m so glad you’re resting, as needed. Nothing wrong with that at all!! Praying for you and look forward to seeing you Thursday.
I look forward to all the little rests that I enjoy while reading your wit and wisdom.
Gail, that means the world to me. Thank you for telling me!! May you find more little rests along the way this week. 🙂
I’ll keep the honey coming… just let me know!! Good stuff as always, L, I look forward to reading every post, keeps me back from the abyss, (and jumping in) – Peace be with you.
John, thank you! That means a lot to me. Friends help friends skirt the brink, and I thank you for the many times your encouragement helps me keep on keeping on. Like today. And that honey is amazing. I’m ready whenever you’re ready to box up a jar and send it this way.